Thursday musings

I'm trying to distract myself today.
I have a drs appointment tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous.
This is the guy who can tell me a lot.
Positive vibes very welcome :)
I'm going to see an endocrinologist tomorrow and i hope he can set me straight as to what is what.
This is something that should probably have been done when i was a child but i was/am scared of needles/ doctors (my pediatrician was an asshole) so my mom never made me go.
I am trying to take responsibility for my health now.
It is NEVER too late for anything, so i am trying to be a brave girl and just do it.
I've been to about 5 doctors the past three weeks and i have three more appointments (that i know of) coming up in the next month and a half. One being tomorrow, then i go back to my gyn then to an osteopath to have myself realigned!
I am also going to make an appointment with a naturopath as i believe in going the natural way as much as possible.
The medicine given to me by my gyn sits unopened on my dresser.
I may start them this weekend.
I'm still trying to figure out the whole vegetarian thing still.
am i getting enough of this? or that? What should i be getting ? What do i need more of? How much soy protein is too much soy protein. Should i go back to eating meat?(nooooo) What is really healthier for me?
So many questions but who to answer it?
Research research and more research.
I know i'm probably not eating enough, i haven't had too much of an appetite lately.
A friend told me that my skin looks clear and nice and i have been so focused on feeling like shit that i barely noticed that.
I am trying to look at some of the positive things going on since she made that comment.
But my eyes never lie and they lack sparkle.
I'm hoping the yoga i did on tues night will become a regular practice. I also want to start bellydancing classes.
I haven't resumed my workouts yet because my silly dvd has gone missing. Silly excuse but i won't work out as hard without a guide.
Forget the eliptical. I hate it and my knees make weird noises just walking.......far less for that contraption.
I am going to meditate tonight on positive results for the doctor tomorrow. Not sure he will run the tests tomorrow but i'm hoping so i dont have to obsess about it.
I always thought what i didn't know couldn't hurt me but i realize now how utterly irresponsible and ignorant that was so i'm working to change it.
You know the most important lesson i'm learning lately?
Is to stop being so hard on myself. It is OKAY (truly fucking ok) to be flawed and human. Nobody expects me to be anything more.
I feel like i floated five feet back down to earth and i can finally feel my feet touching it instead of hovering in a cloud of anger,frustration,questioning and constantly berating myself. I don't have to be the best at everything. I just have to do what i want how i want and be okay with it.
Sat nam.