missing and prayers.

Missing someone is such an interesting, layered emotion.
Sometimes you get busy and you brush it aside but it never stays away long.
It nags, it hurts, it makes you appreciate, it makes you sad, angry and yet happy to know that you do indeed love and want that person so much too.
I miss my guy in the most awful, awful way.
I have been praying a lot lately. Also thinking about prayer a lot.
I'm not by any means religious but i am spiritual.
I wonder sometimes if that makes my prayers any less effective or if i might be praying wrong.
My grandmother would always sit muttering to herself, i never once saw her enter a church or temple on any regular basis.
She would always say that God is wherever she was and that by opening her heart and mouth he would listen, regardless of location or method.
I grew up believing this and i still do.
I pray all the time. Sometimes i subscribe to my catholic school upbringing and make the sign of the cross or pray the rosary.
Sometimes i just say what is on my mind.
Sometimes i think praying for myself first is selfish and i feel guilty and switch to praying for others first.
Sometimes i entirely forget to pray for others or say a blanketed prayer like ' bless my friends and family'
Either way it feels good to pray.
Lately, i have been thinking also, that actions are prayers.
When you do something you love, lovingly, carefully, with passion and purpose, that definitely counts as prayer.
I read in a magazine that food provides nourishment and cooking nourishes the soul. (or something along those lines.)
I fully agree.
There is prayer in the process as well as the outcome.
I think i'm going to take my paints out for a spin today.
See what prayers i can create :)
I haven't really painted much since my show last year.
Time to get my chi,my prana, my energy flowing through that brush.
Sat nam.